Anger #@*%$^!!

Anger, wow this is a big topic that affects all of us in some way or another. Whether it is feeling angry or being on the end of someone else’s anger outburst! This is an issue that we are working through in my house at the moment, as one of my children is having anger outbursts on a daily basis!

As an adult, I struggle with managing my anger at times. From getting angry at the kids to getting angry at a driver who cut me off to getting angry with my husband! It is all around us as adults and it would be unreasonable to think that our children do not feel anger too. I believe that one of our jobs as adults is to teach our children how to manage anger in a safe and effective way.

The way that I have found to work for my clients and myself is to actually disconnect yourself from the anger. When you disconnect or remove yourself from the anger you are able to take out the raw emotion and feeling from the situation and start to think about it rationally. Remember anger is normally just a reaction to another emotion, which we are not dealing with – frustration that the kids are not listening, low self-worth that the driver did not acknowledge me or disappointment that my husband did not do something exactly as I wanted!

This can be quite hard to do, as when we are in the thick of it we can become stuck in that moment of anger. I imagine myself taking a step out of the feeling of anger and looking at myself objectively in a matter of fact way without the anger, and then you are able to determine what the original emotion is that caused the anger. Once you acknowledge that original emotion you can take the necessary steps involved to deal with that emotion and leave the anger behind!

It seems easy on paper, but it is quite hard to do and even harder to explain and encourage your children to do! I have found that when dealing with children, the best way to get them to listen is to tell them a story about you when you were young or even when about something that happened to you recently. I find that my children will listen and react more positively to a story rather than a direction of what they need to do. By the way, I will often make up a story to reflect the message I want to portray – it does not matter as long as the message is there.

I challenge you to give it a try with yourself next time you get angry and to tell your kids a story or two of when you were young “I used to get so angry at my sister when she would take my clothes without asking……..” And remember when we actually deal with the reasoning behind our anger then the anger will just melt away.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Debbie

xo

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