Forgiveness

2
May

Victimhood vs Personal Power

Often we get caught in a ‘victim’ mentality with people and situations round us. We feel like we have no control over what is going on externally. I am sure that you have been in this situation and I know I certainly have many times.

When we allow ourselves to fall into the ‘victim’ mode, we fall deep into the emotion of the situation, with many examples and reasons why it is not fair and the poor me mentality comes to full light. Hence we lose our personal power.

Yet if we realise that this ‘victim’ mode is just a pattern of behaviour that we live our life in, then we can move away from ‘victimhood’ into a more logical space and regain our personal power within the situation. It is here in the logical space that we can see what the facts of the situation are, allowing a whole new perspective to come into our light and understanding.

Unfortunately (as I am well aware) this victim mode is something that we automatically go into and it is an easy space to be in as we can blame others around us. Yet to make the change away from ‘victim’ mode it does take a choice and change of behaviour to do this, which only requires practice.

Yes it does only take YOU to make a change in YOUR life.

Victimhood

This all sounds great, but how do I practically start to become this empowered person who is no longer a victim of their circumstance? Here are a few steps to help start making this change…..

  1. Accept that people around you are not going to think or act the way you do. We are all different, so celebrate who you are and your personal values.
  2. Check in with yourself to see how you are behaving and what you are contributing to these circumstances, if you can stand in the light and be true to who you are in kindness, love and compassion then you need to remain in that space and not allow others around you to change who you are (in other words don’t react with bad behaviour because someone else is acting badly).
  3. Be thankful that this situation / person in your life, as they are here to teach you something about yourself and empower you to be strong within yourself.

For me, these simple steps can make a huge difference, as they give you a structure to work with and move you away from that irrational and emotional space that ‘victimhood’ surely brings.

Good luck with it and remember to be kind to yourself as you begin to make the changes within to ultimately make the changes on your outside life.

To your happiness always,
Signature-Debbie-e1404124371738

22
Mar

Beginners Meditation Free Trial

Meditation is a tool that I use everyday in my busy life. It helps to centre me and ground me into a space that I can enjoy the busyness of my life. The more you perform meditation, the easier it becomes and the more you can then integrate it into your life when you first feel stressed or anxious.

Meditation brings you into the NOW, where we can listen to what is happening around us right now, as the past is not happening (again) and the future is not here (yet). In the NOW we can only have influence over what is happening right NOW. By changing your thoughts in the NOW, it will change you perception of the past and alter your anxieties of the future. It is a very powerful and important space to be in. Which is one of the reasons why I love meditation so much.

To do start practicing this in your life today, throughout your day remember to focus on your breathe. Breath in for 3 deep breathes, feeling the breathe as it fills your lungs and stomach with air and then on the release feeing the breathe leave your stomach and lungs. Once you have done this once you can then start to step it up a notch by incorporating a colour into the breathe, with each in breathe imagine you are breathing in a white healing light, filling your body with the white light. Then the next step on from this is to incorporate an emotion / feeling into your breathe. I breathe in peace and love and breathe out resistance and anger (these emotions will vary depending on the your day – so feel free to add any emotion here, just always remember to breathe in the positive emotion and breathe out the negative emotion).

I am now running regular meditation classes on a Tuesday at 12pm, this is a beginners class and almost full (as I like to limit these classes to small numbers to allow for a more intimate setting). Today I would like to offer you a free trial of this class to help you enjoy and live the benefits of meditation in your daily life. If you are interested, please email me at [email protected] or call me on 0422 011 180 to discuss further.

Remember guys “The soul always knows what to do heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind to listen”.

To your happiness always,

Signature-Debbie-e1404124371738

23
Feb

Which chapter are you?

How can we move on to the next chapter of our lives if we are stuck reliving the old chapters?

 

When we get caught in the emotion and drama of a past event, our brain cannot distinguish if it is a new or old event, it just relives it as a new one, bringing about more emotion and even physiological changes within our bodies! Think about this logically for a moment, if you are thinking about a past event how can your brain think about the current moment, it is too busy dealing with the emotion of what had happened.

 

I know I often get caught up in this one and many of the clients I see have the same problem. Clients (and I include myself in this) will come in with many stories about what has happened. This will become the focus and basis of their thoughts and current reactions and actions. It is not the event that we need to pay our attention to, in fact it is the lesson that this event has allowed us to see and learn from so we can grow and become a better person. When we focus on the lesson it allows us to see the event in a more positive light and to then incorporate this learning into our current life.

 

Logically this seems easy, yet when we fuel the events with emotions it becomes an almost impossible thing to do!
So how can you start to make the first step away from the emotion, is to write down the facts about what happened – logically only with no emotion involved. See it as a third party observer. Read what you have written down and see where the learnings are, always focusing on the facts of the situation. If this fails, then come and see me for a Kinesiology session to get you started on the process!

 

Remember, “Your don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step”.

 

To your happiness,

Signature -Debbie

8
Dec

The power in the now…..

At my weekly meditation class last week we talked a lot about being in the present moment. This is something that seems to keep on coming up for me lately.

This moment now is what keeps the past alive and what allows the past to continue to infiltrate into our lives.

This moment now is where we feel anxious or worry about the future.

When we look at the present moment with peace and acceptance, then the past will not dictate our present and the future will work itself out.

To quote my meditation teacher..

“Like attracts like, so when we are at peace in the present moment we will attract peace for all future moments”.

How true! We can change the future just by changing our present thoughts – it is very empowering when we think of it in this manner.

My biggest task this week has been to slow down, focus on the present moment and understand why something from the past or future is affecting me right now (when it is not even happening in the present moment). I had a perfect example of this over the weekend. I began to feel overwhelmed and anxious over something that was out of my control (and specifically someone). I needed to take a step away from the emotion that I was feeling and see why it was affecting me right now. I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH was the current reason why it was affecting me! Which was really simple to see once I was able to step in the present moment and see logically what was happening. So instead of reliving the past and worrying about what was going to happen in the future because of this event, I told myself that I was GOOD ENOUGH and I am perfect just as I am in this moment. This is where I put my focus, not on the external event that was causing me angst.

How can you apply this to your life? And where do you allow the past to infiltrate into your present thoughts, actions and reactions.Slow down today and focus on the now. Be present in the now, not in what could of been or what should be.

To your happiness,

Signature -Debbie
3
Dec

What are my lessons from the past?

Here is an extract from my popular ‘Ignite Your Possibilities’ program. It is apart of the Drama Be Gone section, which allows us to start to think about what past experiences are still affecting our current decisions and thoughts!

Here we will look at what your lessons from the past are. I find that this is always the toughest part of this exercise. We have programmed our brains to only see the negative aspect of what happened in the past because seeing it in another way is too hard for us to face.

When we think about a negative past experience we will relive the event and start to feel the same emotions again, like hurt, anger or fear. As our brain gets caught up in these emotions, it is hard to see past them and understand what factually happened. Give it a try; think about a time from the past which was very stressful, for me this was after the birth of my first daughter. I hemorrhaged 10 days after she was born. It was a very stressful and emotional time, instead of been home and enjoying my daughter I was in the hospital been prepped for surgery with the doctor asking us to sign consent forms for a full-hysterectomy! In that moment all of our dreams and hopes for more children had come to a big HAULT and not to mention the severity in the moment for my own life! Fortunately my doctor was able to work quickly and I am very thankful to say that I have been blessed with 3 other children since this time! The feelings of fear and anxiety around this event remained with me for many years to come. Especially when we decided to have our next baby, which bought up all of these fears again. I felt like I was reliving every moment of it after the birth of my second daughter! I would recall the exact moment it happened, all the details and with this would bring about all the emotions I experienced back to life! It was like I was reliving the event again and again! As I am writing this out I can still imagine what those emotions were like but I do not experience them anymore. This is because I have accepted what happened and learnt from this experience. It is only when you can do that will you leave the stressful event in the past. For me, it took a long to do this and with time it did become easier. The most important thing I did was to step away from the whole emotion and drama of the event and see it as a factual and logical event. Yes I was hemorrhaging, yes I was scared and yes I was in danger but I can now see that I was in a safe place, with the best doctors and a supporting husband and no matter what the outcome I was going to be okay! It is hard to do, but a very important process of accepting the past.

  • Acknowledging the past
  • Understand the learning from the past
  • Seeing the past from another perspective.
  • Accepting the past

You might be wondering what the lesson from me hemorrhaging is? Well the lesson is that I am okay and that my husband and I are strong enough to face and conquer anything that comes at us. And of course, on a more practical sense ensuring that you use a doctor who you have the utmost trust and faith!

Now think about a time in your past that still haunts you today? Is it a medical emergency like mine or even an emotional event? Big or small, it does not matter – what matters is if it is still affecting you today! If it is still in your thoughts and you feel those same emotions swelling every time you think about the event.

Organise some time that you can devote to looking at the situation. Your first instinct will be to think about the emotion and drama of it, which is okay. Spend some time writing down and acknowledging the emotions that you felt at the time. Then once you have acknowledged all the emotions it is time to move away from them and look at the situation in a logical and factual way. By being caught in the emotion and drama of it will keep you tied to the event. Write down the things that occurred factually (no emotion involved this time). Once they are all written down look at them step by step and to see what is something positive about each of these steps.

Like with me, the most emotional part of the whole event was when my husband and I needed to sign a consent form for a possible hysterectomy, it forced me to see the magnitude and reality of the situation! When I wrote this down, I thought impossible that there could be a positive to this, there is no good to come of this! Well there is and that was that my husband was by my side and supportive to whatever the outcome was going to be, as long as I was okay – 1 baby or 4 babies it did not matter to him!

Once you have been able to do this, you can then accept what has happened and focus more on the positive side to the event and become grateful. Like with me I am grateful that my husband is very supportive and that I had the best doctor helping me!

If you would like a free trial of my ‘Ignite Your Possibilities’ program emailed to you please click here.

To your happiness,

Signature -Debbie

29
Jul

Forgiveness

FORGIVE OTHERS, NOT BECAUSE THEY DESERVE FORGIVENESS, BUT BECAUSE YOU DESERVE PEACE!!! (quote sourced from above internet image)

Now that is a loaded and very true statement!

Lately I have had a couple of clients with big issues from their pasts that they need to deal with and in particular forgive people in their lives so they could move forward and upwards in their lives. It made me start thinking about the people in my life that I hold grudges with and need to start to look at forgiveness.

Forgiveness is so important for us to be able to let go of the past and learn from it. I am a big believer in learning lessons from the past and bringing those lessons into the present and future events. But even though I know that forgiveness is very important, it is also a really hard thing to do!

The way I have started forgiving people in my life is by looking back at the situation with a new perceptive and from a non-emotional point (as when I bring back the drama and emotion of the situation, it just makes me relive it and get stuck in the past – even many years later).  Once I am able to look at the situation from a logical and objective way, I am able to see it for what it actually was, to be able to acknowledge my part in it and the other person’s part in it! I can then start to see the lessons of why it happened and what happened, to ultimately grow and develop as a person – LEARN THE LESSON!

This process is not a 5 minute job, it is a long process and it takes a lot of thought to get through it. Remember that as a habit we will always tend to go back into the emotion and drama of the event, see this for what it is – a habit and stop the habit by choosing to step out of the drama! Only when you step out of the drama can you actually see it for what it was.

My clients (and even myself) have found a great benefit in writing a letter to the person involved, explaining the situation, listing the lessons they have learnt, telling them that they forgive them and the reason they forgive them is because they deserve peace from the situation. This letter does not need to be given to the involved person, as it is really only important to yourself and personal development. I then suggest that you either burn the letter or bury it or rip it up in lots of little pieces as a symbolic process that you are letting go of the situation. You have taken the thoughts out of your head and written them down and then destroyed them. 

Give it a try and see how you go with it. And remember that you are forgiving the person not for them, but for yourself. So cut your emotional ties to the past, as you ultimately deserve the peace!

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Debbie

xo

Beyond the School Yard

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