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22
Mar

10 Steps to Prevent Bullying for Your Child

Bullying occurs all around us; as a child in the schoolyard, as a teenager in the Cyberworld and even as an adult in the workplace! As a society we need to raise awareness around bullying, as the effects on both the victim and bully can last a lifetime.

I am passionate about helping other families to feel empowered over bullying. I experienced bullying in my school years and for many years after the bullying occurred I suffered from feelings of low self-worth and feelings of not being good enough.

I believe that no child or adult should experience bullying or live from the long-term effects of bullying like I did.

These 10 simple steps will help you to take your power back and prevent bullying in your child (as either a bully or victim of bullying):

  1. Deal with your personal issues: it is important to get Mum feeling confident and in control of her life first, which will then flow down to her children. The more we can look within and work on our own stuff the less we will feel the need to put others down to make ourselves feel better.
  2. Create empathy: model and teach your children to be empathetic and how to recognize emotions that are being experienced by those around them. Be understanding and empathetic towards your children for what they are going through.
  3. Communication: keep the lines of communication open with your children, so they are comfortable with talking to you about what is really going on at school and on social media.
  4. Resilience: encourage resilience in your children, modelling and talking them through how they can ‘bounce back’ from difficult times, setbacks, and other significant challenges.
  5. Attention: give your child quality one on one attention. This is important to help your child feel valued and worthy or your time and love. By helping your child to feel valued in the home environment will reduce the chances of them going outside the home environment for validation.
  6. Accept your child for who they are: love and accept your child as they are right now. If we can accept our children and show this to them though love and feeling proud of them.
  7. Do not label your children: do not give your children labels, like shy, rude, naughty or terrible. This will on reinforce the behavior that you are trying to avoid. If you call someone a name long enough, then that is what they will believe within themselves.
  8. Discipline your child with love: discipline your child from a place of love, not form a place of anger and frustration. It is important to teach children how to deal with their own anger through modelling appropriate anger management within ourselves.
  9. Teach your children how to be social: model and teach your children to be social through your own social relationships. Children learn through our example and need to know how to treat people socially.
  10. Encourage your children to be independent: by encouraging your children to be independent, we are putting our trust in them and saying that we think they are responsible enough and mature enough to cope with a given task.

The most important thing for children who are either experiencing bullying or who are bullying is to look within and underneath to see what is happening for them inside emotionally. When we are able to address these internal fears, anxieties or sadness then their external behaviours will start to match their internal feelings. When you only deal with the external bullying it has a short-term effect, to make the changes long lasting we need to deal with the internal emotions that are causing the bullying.

Start today to implement these steps into your life. Remembering to talk and acknowledge what is going on with your child and see it through their eyes.

Order your copy of my book, Beyond The Schoolyard by clicking here.

To your happiness,

Signature -Debbie

 

17
Nov

The power of a smile!

I went to an interesting seminar recently called ‘Promoting Positive Behaviour in Children’. The presenter Dr Tim Moore talk about the power of the smile….

When children (and adults) look at us they consciously and unconsciously interpret our body language, facial expression, eye contact, tone of voice, gestures, posture, timing and intensity of our responses. Before we even speak, our body signals have said more than our words ever will, which teach others (including our children) around us how to react or behave!

This is something I have known for many years and talk a lot about when helping fellow Mums get control of their lives. As a mother we have the power to set the emotional tone of our household, and it is through our conscious and unconscious actions that gives us this power.

I know when I am feeling stressed and anxious, my children will respond to me in the same way as my conscious and unconscious behaviours will show this to my children and they will begin to mirror my emotional state back to me. I know this then only adds to pressures and often a meltdown will result!

To understand this concept we also need to know how to address what is going on within us, so we can mirror to our children how we want them to behave, with respect, calmness, compassion and love. Unfortunately we cannot fake our unconscious actions as often these are done without us even knowing we are doing them.

This is why it is so important that we look to see what we are feeling on the inside and address these issues rather than any superficial reasons on the outside. Once we are able to address our internal issues, we can then start to make the changes on the inside to reflect on the outside.

My question to you today is what are your body signals saying??

This is something I am very passionate about and I have taken many Mums through my ‘Ignite Your Possibilities’ course, which empowers Mums to understand this concept and start to make the long lasting changes within to live a life full with happiness and peace on the inside and outside. Please click here for more information on my course.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.
Signature -Debbie

28
Sep

My No.1 Tip To Motherhood

 ‘There is no one perfect way to be a good mother … Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children … What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply …’ – M. Russell Ballard

When we become mums, if we are not emotionally okay within ourselves then that is projected onto our children, which can be everything from exciting and exhilarating to overwhelming and scary. In my experience, when I became a mother, all of my emotions that I had been trying to hide from – although not very successfully – came flooding to the surface. I had created these gorgeous innocent children who would look at me with adoration and unconditional love. I wanted more than anything to teach my children all that life has to offer them and be there for them in a way that only a mother can.

Becoming a mum can be one of the most exhilarating and scariest things in your life. Like me, you remember the moment you became a mum when your home pregnancy test came back positive with those two little lines! It was exciting, yet so scary. It was taking a leap into the next stage and you had no idea what was going to happen but it was so exciting because you were bringing a new little person into the world.

Yet how could I do all that if inside myself I did not believe or feel that I was good enough and capable enough to step up to the challenge! This is why when we become a mum our feelings are exaggerated. Tie this to the overwhelming desire to be The Best Mum Ever and you are heading towards a meltdown.

We all strive to be the best mum and to do the very best things for our children. Unfortunately, if we are not in the right head-space and if we are not in a happy place within us then we will put our own issues onto our children.

My mothering-guilt appeared as an outward expression of the fear that I was not a good enough mother. This fear appeared in the form of doubts about my ability, second- guessing my decisions, fearing that I wasn’t spending enough time with them, guilt over leaving them in day care, or that I was somehow neglecting them if they happened to get hurt. Does this sound familiar?

During this chapter I give tips and strategies that I use everyday on my children.

My number one tip I think is the most important and valuable is to “Trust in what you are doing”. Is your baby happy and are you happy? Let go of this image of the perfect baby that sleeps all night, eats everything, and does not cry. Let me tell you, there is no such thing as a perfect child. Your child is perfect as your child. Your child is the perfect child for you.

Finally I want to remind us all is to enjoy your children, they do grow up so quickly and before you know it they are becoming adults themselves. It is these early years of formation that will make a difference for the rest of their lives.

To order your copy of my book called Beyond The Schoolyard, please click here.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

14
Sep

Reverse Focus

‘How would your life be different if … you stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day … you stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others.’ – Steve Maraboli

Reverse focus is a very powerful part of the process to help you feel more confident, happy and live the life you want to live. It is looking at yourself and having yourself as the main focus.

The most important thing is you and how you are feeling about something and what is going on with you. When we focus on the outside world, which we cannot control, we lose focus on what we can control – the inside world. It is so important to be focused on the inside and what those internal emotions are and not focused on what is going on externally.

If you are putting a Band-Aid on the outside of a problem, you are not really addressing the inside emotional need that is not being met. We need to keep out of other people’s stuff. Other people have their own lives to lead, their own crosses to bear, their own celebra­tions to be had. It is not your life, it is their life and we cannot judge or assume to know what is going on with others because we have not walked in their shoes.

Keep the focus off others and direct it back to yourself. Don’t confuse your issues by delving into other peoples. You have to focus and understand your own problems in order to deal with or sort them out.

Be in the here and now. We need to keep ourselves in the present moment of what is actually going on and not lose our focus and go back to past events or think about future events. What is important is the right here and now, because our present perception can define and change what happened in the past and shape what happens in the future. Let go of whatever no longer serves you. Sometimes in our past, we set up emotional belief patterns that served us and kept us safe at the time. These patterns are no longer valid in our life as we grow and develop as a person. Make the choice to let them go. Be mindful of what is going on now, become aware of the now and don’t try to change it. Let go of the need to try to change what is going on now. Become more accepting as you acknowledge the moment.

This is an excerpt from my book called Beyond The Schoolyard, Reverse Focus chapter. For more information on how you can order your own copy of this book, please click here.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

21
Aug

Tip 2 – Creating empathy

A major issue we as parents face in today’s technological age is that it’s so easy for our children to become addicted to Computers, iPads, iPods, Xboxes, Playstations, TV, Social Media etc etc.

In this technological world, we forget “real” humans are on the other end of comments, messages, and postings. Unfortunately it is this lack of connection that becomes a breeding ground for a lack of empathy resulting in bullying and general insensitivity.

As mothers we need to seek opportunities to model empathy towards our children. It is easy to get caught up in the nagging, disciplining cycle of raising our children. When speaking with our children first think about what types of challenges they might currently be experiencing and approach them with compassion and understanding.

Remembering, that things may not seem like a big deal to us are actually major issues for our children, ( think back when you were a kid and put yourself in their shoes).

When our children are on the receiving end of understanding and compassion, they can better understand how it feels and have an authentic sense of why and how they can pass that good feeling on to others.

For more information, register for my webinar called 10 Ways to Prevent Bullying For Your Child on Monday 25th August. http://www.debbierossi.com.au/events/10-ways-to-prevent-bullying-for-your-child/.

How can you model empathy to your children today?

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

18
Aug

Tip 5 – To prevent bullying for your child

Did you know that giving your child one on one attention is a powerful and easy way to build their self-confidence.

Spending one on one time with your child will help your child to feel valued and worthy of your time and love.

By helping your child to feel valued in the home environment will reduce the chances of them going outside the home environment for validation.

This is an easy to implement and will help prevent bullying in your child. It does not have to be a long time, it can just be 5 minutes – make it quality time rather than quantity.

Give it a go and have fun with it. Make it fun.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

10
Aug

Changing Thoughts

The effects of bullying can last a lifetime, long after the bullying incident has occurred. Often the things we say to ourselves and think about ourselves become tainted by the bully’s words and actions. Over time we start to believe the bully’s words to be true and take them on board in our own life even as we move away from the situation.

This was definitely the case for me. As a result of the bullying I experienced I internalised what was said to me into negative self- talk that I was not good enough. This became a mantra that I lived my life by and this negative self-talk appeared in all areas of my life.

Self-talk is the internal dialogue that we have in our minds. They are conscious and subconscious thoughts. Often our self-talk goes on auto- matic pilot, and we don’t even realise what we are saying to ourselves. These thoughts will play over, and over, and over again in our mind. Our self-talk can be quite negative, as we tend to be most critical towards ourselves. These internal thoughts are often things that no one knows about us. We put on a brave exterior to mask our internal thoughts.

It might not seem like much but self-talk is an important part of our self-esteem and self-confidence. Our self-talk is influenced by the experiences we have in our lives, how people treat us and ulti- mately what we think of ourselves. The bully’s words and actions will ring inside the victim’s head in the form of negative self-talk for many years to come.

When we first become aware of our self-talk we sometimes don’t even understand what we are saying and why we think negative things about ourselves. The first step is to acknowledge what our self-talk is (remembering that we cannot change what we don’t acknowledge). Then we need to understand the underlying reasons why it is negative.

Once we have been able to acknowledge and understand our negative self-talk, it is important to consciously change it to be positive, which will help boost our self-esteem and confidence. This change allows us to treat ourselves kindly, and be more compassionate and loving to ourselves – like a best friend. By engaging in positive self-talk, we’re more likely to get things done, and feel more confident in our lives.

I challenge you today to look at what your thoughts are saying? How are they influencing your life?

This is an excerpt from my book, Beyond The Schoolyard. You can order your copy today by clicking here.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

Beyond the School Yard

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