2
May

Victimhood vs Personal Power

Often we get caught in a ‘victim’ mentality with people and situations round us. We feel like we have no control over what is going on externally. I am sure that you have been in this situation and I know I certainly have many times.

When we allow ourselves to fall into the ‘victim’ mode, we fall deep into the emotion of the situation, with many examples and reasons why it is not fair and the poor me mentality comes to full light. Hence we lose our personal power.

Yet if we realise that this ‘victim’ mode is just a pattern of behaviour that we live our life in, then we can move away from ‘victimhood’ into a more logical space and regain our personal power within the situation. It is here in the logical space that we can see what the facts of the situation are, allowing a whole new perspective to come into our light and understanding.

Unfortunately (as I am well aware) this victim mode is something that we automatically go into and it is an easy space to be in as we can blame others around us. Yet to make the change away from ‘victim’ mode it does take a choice and change of behaviour to do this, which only requires practice.

Yes it does only take YOU to make a change in YOUR life.

Victimhood

This all sounds great, but how do I practically start to become this empowered person who is no longer a victim of their circumstance? Here are a few steps to help start making this change…..

  1. Accept that people around you are not going to think or act the way you do. We are all different, so celebrate who you are and your personal values.
  2. Check in with yourself to see how you are behaving and what you are contributing to these circumstances, if you can stand in the light and be true to who you are in kindness, love and compassion then you need to remain in that space and not allow others around you to change who you are (in other words don’t react with bad behaviour because someone else is acting badly).
  3. Be thankful that this situation / person in your life, as they are here to teach you something about yourself and empower you to be strong within yourself.

For me, these simple steps can make a huge difference, as they give you a structure to work with and move you away from that irrational and emotional space that ‘victimhood’ surely brings.

Good luck with it and remember to be kind to yourself as you begin to make the changes within to ultimately make the changes on your outside life.

To your happiness always,
Signature-Debbie-e1404124371738

11
May

The quieter you become the more you can hear

In our busy lives rushing between all the ‘jobs’ we need to get done every day, we get caught up in needing to be somewhere or do something and forget to actually live our lives!

For me, this is something I struggle with each and every day as I am a woman of many hats – I am a mother to four active children, I am a Kinesiologist, I am a wife and (just recently) I am the Tuckshop Lady at my children’s school. Which means that my life is a busy one with lots going on.

This makes it very easy for me to get stuck into the never ending cycle of what needs to be done and in constant thought about the next job to do! And for a long time I would be this person, struggling everyday to get everything done and feeling absolutely exhausted at the end of each day. Unfortunately my children and husband would often bare the brunt of my tiredness and frustrations.

I decided that I did not want to be that mother and wife who is cranky with no time to connect with her children.

I have found the one thing that has made a huge difference for me is meditation and mindfulness of the present moment. It is through this awareness of what is going on and allowing myself time out to re-focus on what is important which has enabled me to be calmer and ‘in the moment’ with my family.

My one most important tip to you today is to take some time out today (it only needs to be a few minutes) to breathe and just allow yourself to sit in the moment. Focus on your breathe and allow your mind to quieten down. Do this a few times each day. I will do this while I am waiting for my kids to come out of school, before I get out of bed in the morning, whilst I am eating my lunch, short breaks at the computer and most importantly before I go to sleep at night. Give it a try in your life today, it is something so simple which can have a profound effect on your day and mood.

I am very passionate about this as I know (through my own experience) that you can also get control of your busy life through using the same techniques I use daily. Hence I have created a workshop called ‘Meditation Made Easy’. Please click here for more information.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

1
Mar

Action, action and more ACTION…

At my ‘Align with your 2015 Dreams’ workshop on the weekend, I was asked “How do I overcome these negative thoughts that keep popping up in my mind, I know what they are yet they continue to keep on coming?”

Action, action and more ACTION was my answer.

Action is what will stop that thought in its track and more you away from it into a more positive place!

For me, this is something that I used to struggle with, because yes I knew why and what my negative thoughts were about, yet they continued on. So now whenever I feel that niggling self-doubt pop up, I take action in my life. It almost feels like I am proving that the self-doubt is a thing of the past and I am moving onto a more empowering future through the action!

This also keeps me away from that ‘poor me’ phase, which I would easily slip into once those negative thoughts arrived and I would relive different examples in my life where I felt like I was not good enough! The emotion would rise within me and I would begin to feel stuck in this phase again…

It is through the action of either a task in my business, putting myself out there in a social situation or simply just getting off the couch!

How can you take ACTION today to move away from your negative thoughts and into an empowered tomorrow?

To your happiness,

Signature -Debbie

9
Feb

Align with your 2015 Dreams

Have you created your vision board for 2015?

 

Often when we create a vision board, it also stirs many underlying emotions of doubt, fear and anxieties to achieving what we desire. These feelings are expected as we are setting a vision of something that we want to achieve to extend ourselves in ways we did not think were possible.

 

For me a big one on my vision board is to do big event speaking engagements. This is something I have always dreamed of doing, yet the thought of doing it absouluetly scares me! It brings up all those feelings of not been good enough! Yet in order to achieve this vision, I need to do more than just place a picture of it on my vision board, I need to work through my doubts and fears to allow me to grow and reach my vision.This is something I have found with my clients, that it is often a fear or doubt that holds them back from succeeding at a goal. By understanding what these fears are, we are then able to chip away at them to eliminate them once and for all in our lives.

My popular workshop called ‘Align with your 2015 Dreams’ is back again this year, to register please click here.

It includes:

Access to Kinesiology muscle testing to pinpoint your exact area of focus for 2015 aligned with your body, mind and spirit. We will also be able to determine any stresses that may prevent you from reaching your 2015 vision.

You will also receive…
– Personalised changeable vision board

– Gratitude diary

– Guided meditation on the night

– Establish any fears, doubts or behaviours that will prevent you from reaching your vision.

– Tips and tools to implement at home to put your 2015 vision into action.

Places are limited so please click here to book your seat today.

 

To your happiness,
Signature -Debbie

 

8
Dec

The power in the now…..

At my weekly meditation class last week we talked a lot about being in the present moment. This is something that seems to keep on coming up for me lately.

This moment now is what keeps the past alive and what allows the past to continue to infiltrate into our lives.

This moment now is where we feel anxious or worry about the future.

When we look at the present moment with peace and acceptance, then the past will not dictate our present and the future will work itself out.

To quote my meditation teacher..

“Like attracts like, so when we are at peace in the present moment we will attract peace for all future moments”.

How true! We can change the future just by changing our present thoughts – it is very empowering when we think of it in this manner.

My biggest task this week has been to slow down, focus on the present moment and understand why something from the past or future is affecting me right now (when it is not even happening in the present moment). I had a perfect example of this over the weekend. I began to feel overwhelmed and anxious over something that was out of my control (and specifically someone). I needed to take a step away from the emotion that I was feeling and see why it was affecting me right now. I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH was the current reason why it was affecting me! Which was really simple to see once I was able to step in the present moment and see logically what was happening. So instead of reliving the past and worrying about what was going to happen in the future because of this event, I told myself that I was GOOD ENOUGH and I am perfect just as I am in this moment. This is where I put my focus, not on the external event that was causing me angst.

How can you apply this to your life? And where do you allow the past to infiltrate into your present thoughts, actions and reactions.Slow down today and focus on the now. Be present in the now, not in what could of been or what should be.

To your happiness,

Signature -Debbie
1
Dec

Get Organised For Christmas

With the Christmas excitement building I want to share with you some important tips to get yourself organised for Christmas, so you can start to relax and enjoy the festive season.

I love Christmas and all the joys it brings, spending time with family and friends, surprises and lots of food. With all of this comes a lot of preparation and time needed to get Christmas organised! So I have come up with a list of 7 essential things you can do in the lead up to Christmas to help you focus on the magic of Christmas rather than the stress of getting everything done!

1.       Accept that it is crazy busy

I think this is a huge one, we need to accept that this time of the year does get busy with lots of social engagements, cooking and shopping. Accept what it is and what you can or cannot get done. Do not focus on all that you haven’t done, but instead on what you did achieve – even if it was helping your daughter for 1.5 hours to write her school Christmas Cards!

2.       Make a ‘Things to do list’ of all the things that you need to.

For those of you who know me, I love my ‘Things to do lists’, I do them regularly for big projects I am working on and I also do them on a weekly basis for weekly activities – which incorporate my bigger lists. I know they take time to set up, but believe me the feeling of accomplishment you get when you tick things off your lists is worth the extra effort.

3.       Look after yourself

This one can be a tricky one, especially with all of the social gatherings and copious amounts of food this time of the year brings. Obviously I am not saying don’t go out and enjoy yourself, because that is a major part of the fun of Christmas. What I am saying is when you at home, opt for that healthier option and drink more water to counter balance the food or drink that you enjoyed the night before.

4.       Start a present list.

Every year I print off my standard list from my computer (I use Excel for this) with everyone’s name who I need to buy a present for, including family, friends, teachers, kids friends etc. Then I write down next to their name what I will buy. I find this is a great way to keep track of who and what I am buying and then I will then use my present list as my shopping list when I head to the shops. No-one ever gets forgotten!

5.       Use your Junk Mail.

Start to use that never ending supply of Junk Mail which all of our letterboxes are bombarded with at this time of the year to think of ideas for presents, especially for those hard to buy for. Shop smarter, so when you do actually go to the shops you know exactly what you are buying rather than wondering around the shops looking!

6.       Spread that Christmas Spirit

At times, especially when we are busy we tend to only focus on ourselves and the things we need to do. This Christmas season, take some time out to do something for someone around you who may need a little extra help or just because. Imagine if we all did one thing special for someone in our lives, think about how fantastic it will be for the Spirit of Christmas to grow and extend outwards. And could you also imagine if everyone at the shops let one person in front of them either at a queue or driving, the shopping centre would be filled with happier and less stressed out people!

7.       Have fun and enjoy it

Above all remember it is Christmas and it only comes once a year, enjoy it and spend time with all those you love and cherish. Let go of what you could’ve or should’ve done and just be in the moment of all the magic that Christmas brings.

With all that said, I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and all your families a very Happy and Safe Christmas. Enjoy.

Signature -Debbie

 

30
Nov

Webinar – Happy Mums = Happy Kids

This week i was fortunate to run a webinar with some amazing Mums, called Happy Mums = Happy Kids.

I always love running webinars, as they give me a great chance to connect with you all on a more personal level. The most important tip from the webinar (and the one that i received the most feedback on) was ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself’.

Often as mothers we tend to strive for perfection and when our life and mothering falls short of perfection, we become hard on ourselves that we are not doing a good enough job! This leads us to get caught up in negative thoughts and beliefs about ourself that often are not even true! This negativity is laced with past experiences and years of being judgemental of ourselves.

What I asked on the webinar was…

“How can you be happy when someone is being mean to you all the time?”

This question is often a confronting one, as it makes it so obvious to us that how can we be happy with these negative thoughts running through our conscious and sub-conscious minds all the time? It is here in these thoughts that we need to make the changes to be able to step away from this negativity to become our own best friend.

So my question to you today, is how can you treat yourself kinder? I know for me, I am going to be kinder to myself by doing a short meditation each day, to help calm my mind and be present in the moment!

Here is the link to the recording of my webinar for you to listen to in your own time. Please click here….

Enjoy guys.

Signature -Debbie

17
Nov

The power of a smile!

I went to an interesting seminar recently called ‘Promoting Positive Behaviour in Children’. The presenter Dr Tim Moore talk about the power of the smile….

When children (and adults) look at us they consciously and unconsciously interpret our body language, facial expression, eye contact, tone of voice, gestures, posture, timing and intensity of our responses. Before we even speak, our body signals have said more than our words ever will, which teach others (including our children) around us how to react or behave!

This is something I have known for many years and talk a lot about when helping fellow Mums get control of their lives. As a mother we have the power to set the emotional tone of our household, and it is through our conscious and unconscious actions that gives us this power.

I know when I am feeling stressed and anxious, my children will respond to me in the same way as my conscious and unconscious behaviours will show this to my children and they will begin to mirror my emotional state back to me. I know this then only adds to pressures and often a meltdown will result!

To understand this concept we also need to know how to address what is going on within us, so we can mirror to our children how we want them to behave, with respect, calmness, compassion and love. Unfortunately we cannot fake our unconscious actions as often these are done without us even knowing we are doing them.

This is why it is so important that we look to see what we are feeling on the inside and address these issues rather than any superficial reasons on the outside. Once we are able to address our internal issues, we can then start to make the changes on the inside to reflect on the outside.

My question to you today is what are your body signals saying??

This is something I am very passionate about and I have taken many Mums through my ‘Ignite Your Possibilities’ course, which empowers Mums to understand this concept and start to make the long lasting changes within to live a life full with happiness and peace on the inside and outside. Please click here for more information on my course.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.
Signature -Debbie

2
Oct

The Need For Control Explored

There are many reasons, beliefs and emotions that can lead us to hold on tight and feel the need to control others, situations, circumstances, money, communications, food, workflow, details, our environment and other areas of our lives.

In my experience and clinic I have found that these three things are usually the internal emotions that cause us to seek control in our external world:

  • Fear – We worry that things won’t turn out, we will get hurt, bad things will happen, etc.
  • Unworthiness – We don’t feel as though we deserve support or for things to go our way.
  • Lack of trust – We are scared to let go, count on others, and to believe that things will be okay without us managing every aspect of the situation, relationship, conversation, etc.

There is a huge negative impact on being controlling. It not only affects us but also everyone around us. Here are some of the biggest emotional costs:

  • Happiness
  • Peace
  • Freedom
  • Energy
  • Creativity
  • Support
  • Ease
  • Connection
  • Love

There are many things that we can do to let go of control. With compassion for ourselves, it is important to remember that this is a process and something that may not come all that easy. Many of us have trained our brains to be controlling. Often being controlling has seemed necessary for our own survival and the survival of those around us, if we do not control this then bad things will happen!

Here are some things you can do to help let go of the control in your life:

1) Be honest with yourself. Make a factual assessment about how controlling you are. The amount of control will vary greatly on what is going on in our lives and the situation we are in. Start to understand where, how and why you hold on tight to control in whatever way you do. Also here we need to start to look at what the impact your control has on the situation and those around you. Look at what your internal emotion is that is holding on to the control on the outside, is it fear, self-worth or trust?

2) Are you willing to let go of control? This is an important question to ask yourself to take the first step towards letting go of the control. In some areas of your life the answer to this maybe “NO”. And this is okay, as some situations do require control. It is in these situations that you can look at how you can change your perception of this control into something that is less stressful and address those underlying emotions.

3) Consider who could support you. Getting support from people around you is an important step here. It is difficult to let go of control without the support of other people. The irony of asking for help is that many of us don’t feel comfortable doing so and fear it makes us seem weak or needy, and on the flip side most of us love to be asked for help and really enjoy helping others. Remembering that you are only requesting for help not demanding the help!

4) Accept. This is the bottom line of letting go. Accepting “It is what it is” does not mean giving up or not caring, it means trusting and allowing things to be taken care of by others, by the process, by the Universe or your spiritual connection with God. Accepting is about consciously choosing to trust and have faith. This can have a profound effect and is all about us choosing to let go.

Letting go of control is about loosening our grip on life and those around us, allowing ourselves to be supported and trusting that things will turn out as they are meant to.

This is not always easy? Although if you make the choice it can be. With practice our ability to let go and release it will allow us to feel more peace and calm within us.

This has been an excerpt from my “Ignite Your Possibilities” eCourse, Fantasy vs Reality section. For more information on this please click here.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

28
Sep

My No.1 Tip To Motherhood

 ‘There is no one perfect way to be a good mother … Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children … What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply …’ – M. Russell Ballard

When we become mums, if we are not emotionally okay within ourselves then that is projected onto our children, which can be everything from exciting and exhilarating to overwhelming and scary. In my experience, when I became a mother, all of my emotions that I had been trying to hide from – although not very successfully – came flooding to the surface. I had created these gorgeous innocent children who would look at me with adoration and unconditional love. I wanted more than anything to teach my children all that life has to offer them and be there for them in a way that only a mother can.

Becoming a mum can be one of the most exhilarating and scariest things in your life. Like me, you remember the moment you became a mum when your home pregnancy test came back positive with those two little lines! It was exciting, yet so scary. It was taking a leap into the next stage and you had no idea what was going to happen but it was so exciting because you were bringing a new little person into the world.

Yet how could I do all that if inside myself I did not believe or feel that I was good enough and capable enough to step up to the challenge! This is why when we become a mum our feelings are exaggerated. Tie this to the overwhelming desire to be The Best Mum Ever and you are heading towards a meltdown.

We all strive to be the best mum and to do the very best things for our children. Unfortunately, if we are not in the right head-space and if we are not in a happy place within us then we will put our own issues onto our children.

My mothering-guilt appeared as an outward expression of the fear that I was not a good enough mother. This fear appeared in the form of doubts about my ability, second- guessing my decisions, fearing that I wasn’t spending enough time with them, guilt over leaving them in day care, or that I was somehow neglecting them if they happened to get hurt. Does this sound familiar?

During this chapter I give tips and strategies that I use everyday on my children.

My number one tip I think is the most important and valuable is to “Trust in what you are doing”. Is your baby happy and are you happy? Let go of this image of the perfect baby that sleeps all night, eats everything, and does not cry. Let me tell you, there is no such thing as a perfect child. Your child is perfect as your child. Your child is the perfect child for you.

Finally I want to remind us all is to enjoy your children, they do grow up so quickly and before you know it they are becoming adults themselves. It is these early years of formation that will make a difference for the rest of their lives.

To order your copy of my book called Beyond The Schoolyard, please click here.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

Beyond the School Yard

Meditation Made Easy!
Bring Calm & Focus to Your Life