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Ignite Your Possibilities

3
Dec

What are my lessons from the past?

Here is an extract from my popular ‘Ignite Your Possibilities’ program. It is apart of the Drama Be Gone section, which allows us to start to think about what past experiences are still affecting our current decisions and thoughts!

Here we will look at what your lessons from the past are. I find that this is always the toughest part of this exercise. We have programmed our brains to only see the negative aspect of what happened in the past because seeing it in another way is too hard for us to face.

When we think about a negative past experience we will relive the event and start to feel the same emotions again, like hurt, anger or fear. As our brain gets caught up in these emotions, it is hard to see past them and understand what factually happened. Give it a try; think about a time from the past which was very stressful, for me this was after the birth of my first daughter. I hemorrhaged 10 days after she was born. It was a very stressful and emotional time, instead of been home and enjoying my daughter I was in the hospital been prepped for surgery with the doctor asking us to sign consent forms for a full-hysterectomy! In that moment all of our dreams and hopes for more children had come to a big HAULT and not to mention the severity in the moment for my own life! Fortunately my doctor was able to work quickly and I am very thankful to say that I have been blessed with 3 other children since this time! The feelings of fear and anxiety around this event remained with me for many years to come. Especially when we decided to have our next baby, which bought up all of these fears again. I felt like I was reliving every moment of it after the birth of my second daughter! I would recall the exact moment it happened, all the details and with this would bring about all the emotions I experienced back to life! It was like I was reliving the event again and again! As I am writing this out I can still imagine what those emotions were like but I do not experience them anymore. This is because I have accepted what happened and learnt from this experience. It is only when you can do that will you leave the stressful event in the past. For me, it took a long to do this and with time it did become easier. The most important thing I did was to step away from the whole emotion and drama of the event and see it as a factual and logical event. Yes I was hemorrhaging, yes I was scared and yes I was in danger but I can now see that I was in a safe place, with the best doctors and a supporting husband and no matter what the outcome I was going to be okay! It is hard to do, but a very important process of accepting the past.

  • Acknowledging the past
  • Understand the learning from the past
  • Seeing the past from another perspective.
  • Accepting the past

You might be wondering what the lesson from me hemorrhaging is? Well the lesson is that I am okay and that my husband and I are strong enough to face and conquer anything that comes at us. And of course, on a more practical sense ensuring that you use a doctor who you have the utmost trust and faith!

Now think about a time in your past that still haunts you today? Is it a medical emergency like mine or even an emotional event? Big or small, it does not matter – what matters is if it is still affecting you today! If it is still in your thoughts and you feel those same emotions swelling every time you think about the event.

Organise some time that you can devote to looking at the situation. Your first instinct will be to think about the emotion and drama of it, which is okay. Spend some time writing down and acknowledging the emotions that you felt at the time. Then once you have acknowledged all the emotions it is time to move away from them and look at the situation in a logical and factual way. By being caught in the emotion and drama of it will keep you tied to the event. Write down the things that occurred factually (no emotion involved this time). Once they are all written down look at them step by step and to see what is something positive about each of these steps.

Like with me, the most emotional part of the whole event was when my husband and I needed to sign a consent form for a possible hysterectomy, it forced me to see the magnitude and reality of the situation! When I wrote this down, I thought impossible that there could be a positive to this, there is no good to come of this! Well there is and that was that my husband was by my side and supportive to whatever the outcome was going to be, as long as I was okay – 1 baby or 4 babies it did not matter to him!

Once you have been able to do this, you can then accept what has happened and focus more on the positive side to the event and become grateful. Like with me I am grateful that my husband is very supportive and that I had the best doctor helping me!

If you would like a free trial of my ‘Ignite Your Possibilities’ program emailed to you please click here.

To your happiness,

Signature -Debbie

17
Nov

The power of a smile!

I went to an interesting seminar recently called ‘Promoting Positive Behaviour in Children’. The presenter Dr Tim Moore talk about the power of the smile….

When children (and adults) look at us they consciously and unconsciously interpret our body language, facial expression, eye contact, tone of voice, gestures, posture, timing and intensity of our responses. Before we even speak, our body signals have said more than our words ever will, which teach others (including our children) around us how to react or behave!

This is something I have known for many years and talk a lot about when helping fellow Mums get control of their lives. As a mother we have the power to set the emotional tone of our household, and it is through our conscious and unconscious actions that gives us this power.

I know when I am feeling stressed and anxious, my children will respond to me in the same way as my conscious and unconscious behaviours will show this to my children and they will begin to mirror my emotional state back to me. I know this then only adds to pressures and often a meltdown will result!

To understand this concept we also need to know how to address what is going on within us, so we can mirror to our children how we want them to behave, with respect, calmness, compassion and love. Unfortunately we cannot fake our unconscious actions as often these are done without us even knowing we are doing them.

This is why it is so important that we look to see what we are feeling on the inside and address these issues rather than any superficial reasons on the outside. Once we are able to address our internal issues, we can then start to make the changes on the inside to reflect on the outside.

My question to you today is what are your body signals saying??

This is something I am very passionate about and I have taken many Mums through my ‘Ignite Your Possibilities’ course, which empowers Mums to understand this concept and start to make the long lasting changes within to live a life full with happiness and peace on the inside and outside. Please click here for more information on my course.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.
Signature -Debbie

2
Oct

The Need For Control Explored

There are many reasons, beliefs and emotions that can lead us to hold on tight and feel the need to control others, situations, circumstances, money, communications, food, workflow, details, our environment and other areas of our lives.

In my experience and clinic I have found that these three things are usually the internal emotions that cause us to seek control in our external world:

  • Fear – We worry that things won’t turn out, we will get hurt, bad things will happen, etc.
  • Unworthiness – We don’t feel as though we deserve support or for things to go our way.
  • Lack of trust – We are scared to let go, count on others, and to believe that things will be okay without us managing every aspect of the situation, relationship, conversation, etc.

There is a huge negative impact on being controlling. It not only affects us but also everyone around us. Here are some of the biggest emotional costs:

  • Happiness
  • Peace
  • Freedom
  • Energy
  • Creativity
  • Support
  • Ease
  • Connection
  • Love

There are many things that we can do to let go of control. With compassion for ourselves, it is important to remember that this is a process and something that may not come all that easy. Many of us have trained our brains to be controlling. Often being controlling has seemed necessary for our own survival and the survival of those around us, if we do not control this then bad things will happen!

Here are some things you can do to help let go of the control in your life:

1) Be honest with yourself. Make a factual assessment about how controlling you are. The amount of control will vary greatly on what is going on in our lives and the situation we are in. Start to understand where, how and why you hold on tight to control in whatever way you do. Also here we need to start to look at what the impact your control has on the situation and those around you. Look at what your internal emotion is that is holding on to the control on the outside, is it fear, self-worth or trust?

2) Are you willing to let go of control? This is an important question to ask yourself to take the first step towards letting go of the control. In some areas of your life the answer to this maybe “NO”. And this is okay, as some situations do require control. It is in these situations that you can look at how you can change your perception of this control into something that is less stressful and address those underlying emotions.

3) Consider who could support you. Getting support from people around you is an important step here. It is difficult to let go of control without the support of other people. The irony of asking for help is that many of us don’t feel comfortable doing so and fear it makes us seem weak or needy, and on the flip side most of us love to be asked for help and really enjoy helping others. Remembering that you are only requesting for help not demanding the help!

4) Accept. This is the bottom line of letting go. Accepting “It is what it is” does not mean giving up or not caring, it means trusting and allowing things to be taken care of by others, by the process, by the Universe or your spiritual connection with God. Accepting is about consciously choosing to trust and have faith. This can have a profound effect and is all about us choosing to let go.

Letting go of control is about loosening our grip on life and those around us, allowing ourselves to be supported and trusting that things will turn out as they are meant to.

This is not always easy? Although if you make the choice it can be. With practice our ability to let go and release it will allow us to feel more peace and calm within us.

This has been an excerpt from my “Ignite Your Possibilities” eCourse, Fantasy vs Reality section. For more information on this please click here.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

25
Sep

Multitasking Uncovered

The most important thing about Multitasking is how it effects and rewires our brains! Our brains are not wired to do multiple tasks at the one time.

Think about how our brains work, they are already really busy with relying information across to where it needs to go, storing information, processing and acting on outside stimulation, processing and acting on inside stimulation and the list goes on. We are constantly thinking at the rate of approximately 70,000 thoughts (conscious and sub-conscious) in one day. That is huge and very energetically taxing. Now think about if we add in the process of doing more than one task at a time, in its already busy state, the brain will get confused and will slow down its processing. As the brain swaps between the different tasks we are trying to complete quickly it will cause our brain to become confused and stressed!

Studies show that the human brain can’t handle more than one task at a time. Even though we think we’re multitasking, our brains are actually switching rapidly between tasks”. (The Myth Of Multitasking, Scientific America. 2009, July).

Our brains are changeable and are constantly changing through our daily activities. We are able to change the way our brain works by doing repetitive activities, which allows the brain create the new pathways. Think about that and the effect that long-term Multitasking will have on your brain. Through Multitasking we are actually training our brain to not focus on one thing (especially on the smaller details) and our memory (as our brain is switching between tasks it will leave very little time for a memory to be created). Before I began my no-multitasking mission, I was beginning to notice that I was forgetting things and I thought that my memory was failing me! This frightened me as it was becoming quite bad that I would put something down in the house and 5 minutes later I could not find it and I would forget play dates or coffee dates I had organized with close friends and family. There was nothing wrong with my memory – the problem was that I was not focusing my attention on one thing! It got to the point when I was talking to friends or family, I was actually thinking about what I had to do later, which meant that my mind was not present, so how could I possibly remember the interaction we had. Unfortunately and fortunately it is through this that we train our brains how to think, react and remember things by the way we engage in current life. So I was actually teaching my brain not to remember as I was not allowing it to focus on any one thing for too long.

This is supported by Dr David Meyer, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan, agrees with another US psychologist Dr John Arden, that when humans multitask too much, they can experience short-term memory problems or difficulty concentrating. Of course, what else would the brain do but what we teach it to do!

As you now know Multitasking causes us to feel stressed and anxious on an emotional level and a Brain level! For example when you are going from here to there for all different tasks you get stressed out, especially when one thing does not go as smoothly as you had imagined. I know I was guilty of this when I was trying to still be a bookkeeper for clients at home and trying to squeeze in the time to get it done in between doing washing, tending to the kids, answering messages and even checking facebook. This caused me great stress as at the end of the day I would say to my husband I feel like I have done nothing all day today, but I have been so busy. Then this thought would cause me more stress as I did not get the work done and the deadline was looming. My next thought was that the same thing was going to happen tomorrow. So as you can see my bookkeeping work ended up being like a huge task when in reality it was only about 8-10 hours a fortnight, but when you break down the work into little chunks it was much longer than that as it would take me twice as long starting and stopping and I felt like I was constantly doing it as I was squeezing it in between everything else.

So once again, we are actually wiring the brain up for stress and anxiety around getting tasks completed, as it does not know how else to process tasks if we are always doing multiple things at the same time!

How can you incorporate more single task activities in your daily routines to allow your brain a chance to think clearer and more concise over the one thing?

This has been a excerpt from my “Ignite Your Possibilities” eCourse, Be More Effective With Your Time section. For more information on this please click here.

Until my next blog enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

10
Sep

Sweet Dreams – How To Beat Insomnia!

Did you know that sleep deprivation is a form of torture! It makes sense because how often do we feel anxious, stressed, moody, fatigued, cranky, unmotivated etc. etc. (and the list goes on and on) when we do not get enough sleep at night.

Sleep is important for restoring physical and mental health, it will refresh the mind and repair the body.

Sleep is as essential for good health as is oxygen, food and water.

Often we struggle to fall asleep, as we think things over and over in our minds. We relive the events of the day – what we did and what we did not do. We also start to think about all the things that we need to do tomorrow. Both of which are really pointless thoughts as often we don’t remember what we are planning or revisiting the next morning anyway (unless you are like me and have a pen and paper by the bedside to catch these ‘important’ thoughts)!

It is these random thoughts that keep our mind stimulated and prevents us from falling asleep. Yet how do you stop these thoughts without getting anxious and starting to look at the clock worried that you are not asleep yet and should be.

A technique I learnt through my counselling kinesiology which I use and I encourage my clients to use is a combination of counting backwards and catching yourself thinking. The repetitive task of counting backwards requires you to focus on counting which takes your focus away from these random thoughts.

If we were untroubled by thoughts, then we would bore ourselves to sleep!

Troubling thoughts will wake us up and when these thoughts come up again they prevent us from counting – we forget where we are with our counting and we become aware that thoughts have crept in again. By gently returning our focus back onto the counting task, we teach our mind to let go of arousing thoughts to enable us to fall deeper and deeper into relaxation and sleep will follow.

This exercise:

  1. Write in your mind’s eye 100
  2. Write in your mind’s eye deeper
  3. Write in your mind’s eye 99
  4. Write in your mind’s eye deeper
  5. Write in your mind’s eye 98
  6. Write in your mind’s eye deeper
  7. Continue on slowly and if your thoughts appear again then that is okay, just release that thought and begin again.

Please note when I have mentioned mind’s eye – I am referring to your imagination or your thoughts.

Often the first night you practice this, it will feel like this exercise is actually keeping you awake at night. After a few nights of practice you will get into the groove of the counting and find it more and more relaxing the more nights you practice it. I have even gotten my daughter to do this one (whom is often lying awake for hours thinking) – she can now only count to 95 and then she will be fast asleep!

Give it a go and see what number you can reach?

This is an excerpt from my “Ignite Your Possibilities” eCourse – Self-Care Made Easy section. For more information on this and others ways you can make self care easy, click here.

Until my next blog, enjoy your children.

Signature -Debbie

 

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